MOTORBIKES!!!

First of all, I've utterly abandoned going in order because it was blocking up my tubes. So I'm skipping ahead to Hanoi, and will get back to our week in Yunnan at a later date. I also reserve the right to go all the way back to Japan if you don't behave.

I had a few ideas for the title of this post, including "Hanoying," "Hanoisy," and "Come on Feel the Hanoise." Ultimately, though, I had to go with the defining feature of Ho Chi Minh's hideaway, the two-legged scourges that pour over the city like butter on a hot biscuit. Honking butter. OK, you come up with a better analogy.

Hanoi's Old Quarter is a winding maze of tiny streets filled with motorbikes(!!!) with little regard for pedestrians. During Chaos Hour (which is an upgraded Rush Hour, as Hanoi is Rush All-The-Time), crossing the street is a daunting task. What's required is a forbidding glare, a constant, steady gait, and the testicular fortitude to walk directly into the raging vehicular rapids, or else be condemned to passing the rest of the evening in the company of the guy on the corner trying to sell you knock-off guidebooks ("You want book? You want book! YOU WANT BOOK!!").

The motorbikes(!!!) don't just create problems when crossing the street. Oh, no. Parked motorbikes(!!!) also crowd the skinny sidewalks of the Old Quarter, creating zig-zaggy havoc with your walking path. A typical stroll around Hanoi involves an initial feeling of security as you walk along the sidewalk, replaced almost immediately by terror as you realize that you've walked around a bevy of motorbikes(!!!) and are suddenly pacing the street. You quickly jump back on the sidewalk, and a moment later notice that the hive is again buzzing along your shoulder. Eventually, you give up and join the stream, trying to act relaxed but occasionally marveling that you're still alive and uninjured.

Traffic fatalities are the leading cause of death in Hanoi, and it's no wonder. I can't say it's been my favorite city, owing to that and to the hawkers, rip-offs and scams that plague the tourist trade. Still, we've managed to check out some great natural sights outside of the city, which I'll get to when I can upload some of my pictures. We're heading to the Mekong Delta tomorrow on an overnight trip, and will be in Cambodia in two days; looking forward to filling ya in.